okay, maybe not heated, but there is definitely some debate. :) there are those who believe everything that happens in your life was pre-destined, that you will end up doing/being what you were meant to do/be. there are those who believe you make your own choices, that nothing guides your life but you and your decisions. i am in between.
i don't rest alot of my trust in fate. for example: fate didn't land me my job, my turning-in-of-the-application did. i don't believe that if you want it bad enough, it will happen. for one to succeed, it takes alot of hard work. i do, however, believe that fate has played a very important part in my life to date, mainly with my relationship with BS.
our meeting was something out of a movie...no, even script writers couldn't fabricate something this outlandish. i mentioned that we met in a Jack In The Box drive thru, him with his group of friends and me with mine. i BEGGED my friends to stay where we were, i didn't want to leave. he BEGGED his friends to go home, he wanted to go to sleep. had we made our decisions, neither of us would have been there. he insisted his friend stop the car so he could jump out of the car and approach a girl dancing out of her window...something SO out of character for him. what made him do it? (he fought with me for a long time saying HE made the decision to get out of the car, it was HIS choice...but i still question why? if you'd never done it before, if you'd never think of doing it again, then why that time? why me?)
we had a very bad break up. heart wrenching for both of us, we didn't speak for months. we didn't see eachother for even longer. but we missed eachother, we couldn't remain out of contact. after all the mean and nasty things said, after the fights and the anger, something draws us back to one another. we are so similar and so opposite at the same time. we drive eachother crazy but no one in the world makes us happier! we are eachother's best friend and we talk about everything. i believe with all of my heart that it was fate that brought us together. and it is fate that continues to bring us back together.
DP emailed me today and told me that she believes that me and BS are meant to be together. i couldn't agree more. we have alot to work on and work through, but we're building on an amazing foundation we started over a year ago.
i'm sure it's been noticed that BS has been a common topic of conversation for me recently. part of that is that he's been my saving grace, my pillar of strength during a really difficult time in my life. i know, from our history, that i can rely on him to be here for me through every up and down. he's been especially great recently, letting me cry to him or vent my anger or share my excitement, and i truly appreciate it.
**to SR and JQ who have also been there for me on numerous occasions and who have offered a shoulder to cry on recently: i don't want you to feel unappreciated. i can't explain what all you've done for me and how much it has meant to me over the past months. you both have been very understanding when it comes to me not being ready to talk, and sometimes i just don't want to burden you. you both have alot going on in your own lives and i've been very careful to try not to dump my added stress on you. but i am so grateful to have both of you in my life, i love you both very VERY much!
back to fate vs. choice: i definitely believe that a single person determines who they become, the quality of their character and the general out come of their life. i also definitely think that there are those people in our lives, certain events or objects even, that fall into our laps ever so perfectly, as if by some miracle. i can only hope that my readers will know what in their life is their choice and their responsibility, and what to leave in the hands of fate/destiny/a higher power...
ps: i have the greatest friends in the world. i love you guys!
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